|TWENTY THINGS YOU KNOW BECAUSE OF TV
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- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
- It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
- The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
- Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
- All single women have a cat.
- One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all
than 20 men firing at one.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you
one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have
knocked out their predecessor.
- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room
will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
- Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
- Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley
systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow
their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump
into will know all the steps.
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